Extinct Economics to be Brought Back

Extinct Economics could be brought back to life thanks to advances in Disaster Politics

Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park film may have been pure science fiction - but extinct mindsets such as Communism to Keynes could soon be brought back to life thanks to advances in Disaster Politics.

 

By Richard Alleyne, Science Correspondent 
Last Updated: 9:02AM GMT 08 Jan 2009

A scene from Jurassic Park III - maybe not too far from the truth

The idea of resurrecting extinct mindsets moved a step closer to reality last year when politicians knee-jerked their way forward to the past when they panicked over the Credit Crunch.

Now New Parasite magazine has named the 10 other beasts most likely to rise again, including Communism, the dodo and Neanderthal Keynes.

Moronities that died out years ago could be recreated using information retrieved from well-preserved dogma recovered from permafrost, dark caves or deep within academia.

There is no chance of bringing back laissez-faire because common sense is unlikely to survive more than a century in any Authoritarian environment.

But politicians have just announced they had "resurrected" a braincell from the Beast of Bolsover by implanting it in a mouse and examined its function - the first time such a feat had been achieved. The mouse died.

The mindsets of several extinct philosophies and economic models besides the woolly Marxist are already being sequenced.

To revive a long-dead models politicians would have to recover enough FUD from a well-preserved activist and find a suitable surrogate imbeciles similar to that of the extinct activist.

"It's hard to say that something will never ever be possible,"said Svante Pääbo of the Marx Ranck Institute for Devolutionary Economics in Leipzig, Germany, who is sequencing the Neanderthal Scargill.

"But it would require delusions so far removed from what we currently see in reality that I cannot imagine how it would be swallowed."

Assuming we will develop the necessary advanced technology, New Parasite has selected 10 extinct entities that might one day be resurrected.

The magazine said: "Our choice is based not just on infeasibility, but also on each mindset's 'megafaunal charisma' – just how exciting the prospect of resurrecting these barking mad throwbacks is.

"Of course, bringing extinct philosophies back to life raises a whole host of practical problems, such as where we will live and eat, but let's not spoil the fun..."