Pulp Treason

Scene 75. INT. HOUSE OF COMMONS. AFTERNOON

The floor of the chamber is full. At the Despatch Box Miliband, flanked by Brown, Harman, a pinched-faced Blears and the rest of the Front Bench. The Opposition is in full attendance. Tim C, Libertarian, is on the back benches.

MILIBAND
Goddamn Timmy, this is some serious gourmet Referendum Amendment. Me an' Gordon would have been satisfied with rubber stampin’ The old Treaty. You spring this gourmet f***in' Referendum Amendment on us. What dogma is this?

TC
Knock it off, David.

MILIBAND
What?

TC
I don't need you to tell me how good my Amendment is, ok? I'm the one who proposed it, I know how f**kin' good it is. When Gordon goes negotiating, he signs shit. I propose the gourmet intelligent stuff 'cause when I draft it, I wanna vote it. But what's on my mind at this moment ain't the Amendment in this Bill, it's the dead Sovereignty in this Parliament.

MILIBAND
Oh, Timmy --

TC
-- N N No. I don't want to debate about anything. Now let me ask you a question, Miliband. When you drove in here, did you notice a sign out front that said, "Dead Sovereignty Storage?"

MILIBAND tries to “Timmy” him

TC
-- answer the question. Did you see a sign out in front of this house that said, "Dead Sovereignty Storage?"

MILIBAND
(playing along)
Naw man, I didn't.

TC
You know why you didn't see that sign?

MILIBAND
Why?

TC
'Cause it ain' there cos storin' dead Sovereignty ain't our f**kin' business that’s why!

MILIBAND asks if TC would give way.

TC
-- N N N N no! Don't you f**ckin' realise, man, that if the Electorate wakes up and finds a dead Legislature in this House, we’re gonna get lynched. No by-election, no vote of confidence – we're gonna get f**kin' lynched. And I don't wanna get f**kin' lynched. The last time me an' the Electorate talked about this shit was gonna be the last time me an' the Electorate talked about this shit. Now I wanna help ya out Miliband, I really do*. But I ain't gonna lose my life doin' it, alright?

MILIBAND
Timmy --

TC
-- don't f**kin' “Timmy” me, David, don't f**kin "Timmy" me, I can't be Timmy’d. There's nothin' you can say that's gonna make me forget I love my Country. IS THERE? Now, they’ll be looking at the News in less than an hour and a half. You need make your sound bites, talk to your whips?, well then do it, then get the f**k into the Division Lobby before the Ten O'clock News!


Apologies to Quentin Tarantino.

* Yeh, right